Haters, This Is Not Your Home

Clarifying who is welcome here

Ed Note: On January 10, 2021, I wrote the original version of this post and shared it on my Facebook profile. I reposted it with a few updates on November 8, 2024. This version has been modified in light of current events.

Nearly 25 years ago, someone told me that people will only say or do certain things if they think they have a home with you, meaning they will make offensive comments or act inappropriately because they think you are okay with it.

That concept has been on my mind a lot for several years. I’m sharing this post across my online platform to clarify what does and does not have a home with me.

You do not have a home with me if you cannot understand why all lives don’t matter until black, brown, indigenous, women’s, and LGBTQIA lives matter.

You do not have a home with me if you think believing in Jesus as your lord and savior absolves you from aligning yourself with and supporting a convicted felon and rapist who encourages and enables hate crimes and sedition.

You do not have a home with me if you refuse to comprehend why there is a call to defund the police and abolish ICE by communities of marginalized people who have been and continue to be racially profiled, harassed, brutalized, and murdered, all of which have been accurately documented.

You do not have a home with me if you think it’s funny to mock mental health issues, or if you think anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, autism, ADHD, OCD or a host of other diagnoses are not real and can be overcome by willpower.

You do not have a home with me if you infantilize or mock people with disabilities, or don’t consider accessibility to be your concern.

You do not have a home with me if you say you “see both sides” and are unwilling to speak up when you bear witness to hateful, oppressive behavior.

You do not have a home with me if you are unwilling to carefully consider your thoughts, beliefs and actions towards people of a different race, gender identity, sexual preference, religion, ethnicity, or ability than your own AND determine whether those thoughts, beliefs and actions are in alignment with your highest, best self.

If you saw yourself reflected in any of these statements, and you’re unwilling to work on these issues, then I expect you to show yourself out.

Who DOES have a home with me?

People who are willing to be honest in their struggle to address their biases and prejudices.

People who are willing to take a deep dive into their belief systems and say, “Hey, this belief is messed up, I need to replace it.”

People who are willing to have conversations on hard topics and find resources that will help make them better allies.

If you think this content is up for debate, and decide you need to defend your behavior in the comments, or be hateful/oppressive, you will be blocked.

Photo by Matt Collamer on Unsplash. From the photographer: “I met Michael in a Boston subway station. I told him I liked his sign. ‘What matters is what it means to you,’ he told me. I asked what it meant to him. ‘Doing a deed or expressing kindness to another person without expecting anything in return,’ Michael said. I love approaching strangers wherever I go. Listening and talking to them teaches you about people and how similar we all are to one another. Just like Michael, we’re all seeking human kindness.”