Let's Discuss: Apologies
How we learn to say we're sorry
Over the last week I’ve been thinking about apologies and saying sorry when we have hurt someone. I couldn’t remember when, if ever, I was taught how to apologize from a place of true remorse. I often recall hearing the phrase “Say you’re sorry” by parents to children, usually after a fight with a sibling, but did that really teach kids to apologize earnestly, or that apologizing is more of a performance than being heartfelt?
Comments are open to all, so tell me and keep it friendly and kind:
Did anyone ever teach you how to apologize? If so, what did that lesson or instruction look like?
Were your parents/caregivers insistent that any fights with siblings/other kids end with “sorry”? If so, how often did you mean it when you said “sorry”?
Are you one to apologize easily? Or does it depend on the issue, or the person in need of the apology?
I’m very much one who apologizes easily, I tend to default to thinking I’m the one who was wrong and needs to take corrective action. :) My sisters and I fought constantly when I was growing up, so the performative apology you describe perfectly sums up how I was initially taught to “say sorry.”
Ironically, my former experience as a Christian taught me about the need for a contrite heart, though I’ve thankfully given up all the hateful baggage that came with that experience, such as a rejection of science and a disdain for certain communities. Thanks for initiating this discussion!