The Al Gore Ithm
Talking back to technology
Lately I’ve been talking back to my devices. Not the cursing that happens when a file gets accidentally deleted or there’s a glitch in an app or the operating system. I mean talking back when an ad comes up that is so irrelevant or unsettling I don’t ever want to see it again. For example, I looked up a diet plan that Deena’s friend did last year because I wanted to see for myself how restrictive and expensive it was. Soon after, I started getting ads on Hulu and Peacock for that same diet plan because heaven forbid anyone actually look up a product or service and not be in the market for that product or service.
I blame the algorithms for this. I call it the Al Gore Ithm because the beginning of that word is so close to the name of the man who allegedly said he’d invented the internet. It’s one of the many ways I amuse myself when I’m frustrated. Al Gore didn’t actually create the internet, though—that’s an urban legend. But in my more conspiracy theorist moments1 I think, what if he actually invented those pesky formulas and calculations that are used to show us certain ads or pop-ups in between rounds of solitaire on our smartphones, or during an ad break on Hulu? But Al obviously couldn’t tell us that he was the man behind that marketing brilliance, so instead they put a version of his name on it.
Since I’m convinced that all electronic devices are listening to me, in addition to keeping track of everything I do online, I talk back. I say, “Al Gore Ithm, do not show me this stupid ad ever again” when the diet plan ad pops up. I say, “I do not want to see this insurance ad where Arnold Schwarzenegger is being insulted and having his cultural rights trounced upon, all because he has an accent. It is NOT funny, Al Gore Ithm.” And I also say, “I’m not sure why you are showing me ads in Spanish, Al Gore Ithm, because I am nowhere near fluent,” but I have to remember to not add “todo el mundo ya sabe”2 at the end, because then that would negate my attempt to reduce the ads en Espanol.
I wish I could say that this tactic is working well. But I am still getting the damn diet plan ads and the Arnold ads continue to piss me off. My cats and housemate all think I have lost my mind because I’ll sitting at the kitchen table, watching a show with my Bluetooth headphones on, and I’ll suddenly start yelling “STOP SHOWING ME THIS DAMN AD I DO NOT EVER WANT THIS PRODUCT.” Al Gore Ithm doesn’t care at all. He’s doubled down on the discount furniture ads in Spanish and now he’s added Spanish language ads for the fast food behemoth online app, making sure I know I can get free papas fritas when I sign up. Look, Al Gore Ithm, you’re going to have to make up your mind: do you want me to lose weight or do you want me to eat a Big Mac? Pick a side, ahora!
I also talk back to the ads on social media, and the reels or videos with annoying music that distracts me from the actual content. Again, Al Gore Ithm is not interested in making my digital experience better or easier. He also seems to like life hack videos that are either too convoluted to be a true life hack or too obvious. Here’s a life hack, kids: you want a cold drink? Add some ice. Maybe I need to make a TikTok video of that. I bet Al Gore Ithm will love it.
Don’t we all have those sometimes?
Spanish for “everyone already knows”, loosely.
This is adorable!
"I blame the algorithms for this. I call it the Al Gore Ithm because the beginning of that word is so close to the name of the man who allegedly said he’d invented the internet.
Since I’m convinced that all electronic devices are listening to me, in addition to keeping track of everything I do online, I talk back. I say, “Al Gore Ithm, do not show me this stupid ad ever again” when the diet plan ad pops up. I say, “I do not want to see this insurance ad where Arnold Schwarzenegger is being insulted and having his cultural rights trounced upon, all because he has an accent. It is NOT funny, Al Gore Ithm.” "